How to get a reluctant parent to sign a power of attorney (PoA).

For their generation, most folk struggled to accrue any savings at all so the suggestion of giving someone else control of the money never sits comfortably, and an elderly parent can be reluctant.

Remember they also have in mind horror stories and misinformation shared around the church coffee mornings of kids pinching the money, forcing aged parents into workhouse-like care homes to be fed gruel and put to bed at 6pm.

To start with, every time, simply inform them ‘it needs to be organised now’, leave the forms on the table and leave it alone. In good time they’ll pick it up on their own and read through it. If they’re with you, you’ll get it done with no fuss – if not, it may take several months, don’t rush it. There’s a simple outline from Age UK.

The points to make:

The common misunderstanding is that if it is signed the attorney has immediate access to everything: you should explain that the PoA can only be used when they are not mentally capable, and not before.

The second point is that if they are not capable, then the decisions will still be made on their behalf, but this time by complete strangers, either in the courts, the NHS or the Court of Protection.

The PoA means the person appointed to help will be someone who knows you – either family, or a friend or someone from church/synagogue/mosque/temple etc. There can be more than one attorney.

You need to bear in mind that a person can only sign a PoA while they are still capable – so it must be done earlier rather than later. It’s never too soon – do your own now as well.

If you’re not having any joy, then see if there is someone that they trust in the community who could join your side – in my case I asked the local vicar who did a grand job with my Mum over tea and scones at the vicarage. (If God’s rep in the village says it’s ‘a good idea’ it must be).

Be aware – rules on PoA’s have changed, and we have seen family feuds open up. Back in the day, it used to be that a new PoA had to be sent out to all the direct family to be notified and granted the power of veto if appropriate. This meant that 88 year great Aunt Maude couldn’t be whisked off by that 40 year waiter she met on holiday last year and be unwittingly talked into assigning authority over her millions if not warranted. That’s now changed, so be aware that a parent can appoint one of the children without telling any of the others. It happens.